It would probably be good form to write about what the purpose of this blog is and how I came to the decision to start exploring the possibility that the religion I had been raised in might not be the "true" religion, and not only that, but begin to question the existence of God.
Better late than never right?
I could never honestly answer the question about why I was a Mormon. I gave the typical believer answer that I just knew it was true because I'd prayed about it and felt that it was true, yadda yadda. While the praying part was true, I can't say that I ever received an actual answer. Moroni's promise in the Book of Mormon says that "if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ" then the Holy Ghost will tell you if the Book of Mormon is true(note: this operates under the premise that if the BOM is true, then the Church is true). I've done this, multiple times, and each time I would stay on my knees waiting for some kind of answer.
I grew up listening to a lot of my church leaders respond to others complaints about not receiving answers when they've asked similar questions. These leaders would say that everyone receives answers in different ways and that not everyone is going to have some magnificent face to face encounter with an angel telling them that the Church is true (like Joseph Smith). Sometimes I thought that maybe I wasn't asking the question in the right way, after all, Moroni doesn't tell you what to ask word for word, just that you should ask about the truth of the Book of Mormon. Other times I assumed that I was receiving an affirmative answer, I just wasn't aware of how I was being given that answer. I also thought that I just wasn't "clean" enough to receive a divine answer, so I would list out everything that I could remember having done wrong and try to repent. Unclean thoughts that I had had, words that I had wished I'd said to my sister, profanity that may have slipped out of my mouth, rated PG-13 or R rated movies that I may have viewed..... the list was always extensive.
I was always the reason I wasn't receiving an answer, though. It was never God's fault for not revealing the truth to me, or rather, the Holy Ghost's fault. Mormon's are taught from a very young age that the Holy Ghost can only dwell with you if you're righteous, meaning if you've done something "wrong" then you will be unable to feel the spirit until you've rectified whatever wrong you may have committed. I was convinced that I wasn't righteous enough to know for sure, so I continued to just accept the Gospel as truth because everyone else around me believed it.
I never questioned God about never getting an answer because, like I said above, I "knew it was my fault", so this wasn't part of the reason why I started questioning the church. However, two principles that I have been taught, and that every Mormon is taught, have always caused confusion for me and have never sat well in my mind. They are the principle of Baptism for the Dead, and the quest for eternal marriage in order to reach the celestial kingdom.
Most religions believe that a soul cannot be saved unless first baptized. The LDS faith is no different. Unlike other religions though, they don't perform a baptism until the individual is 8 years old: the age of accountability. According to the Book of Mormon, when Moroni became prophet, disagreement arose within the church whether little children should be baptized or not. According to the BOM, Moroni's father, Mormon, prayed to God and received an answer:
“Listen to the words of Christ, your Redeemer, your Lord and your God. Behold, I came into the world not to call the righteous but sinners to repentance; the whole need no physician, but they that are sick; wherefore, little children are whole, for they are not capable of committing sin” (Moro. 8:8).
Mormon told Moroni that "It is solemn mockery before God, that ye should baptize little children."
Later, Joseph Smith received his own revelation, which can be found in D&C 68: 25, 27. If you're born under the covenant, as Mormons refer to it, meaning that you were born to believing parents and automatically get baptized at 8 years old, then the first step to making it into the Celestial Kingdom is relatively easy.
"Baptism by immersion in water by one having authority (meaning if an individual has been baptized in any other church, then that baptism isn't recognized by God) is the first saving ordinance of the gospel and is necessary for an individual to become a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and to receive eternal salvation (you can't reach heaven unless you've been baptized properly). All who seek eternal life must follow the example of the Savior by being baptized and receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost." https://www.lds.org/topics/baptism?lang=eng
But what about everyone that came before Moroni's time? Sure, there are stories in the BOM of Alma baptizing multitudes of people and Mormon baptizing people, but what about those that weren't in the vicinity when that happened? What about all the people in the Old and New Testament? This would mean that people like Moses couldn't make it into the Celestial Kingdom because he wasn't ever baptized by immersion for a remission of his sins. What about all those babies that were baptized before this "revelation" was given to Mormon? Are they all just damned? Oh no, not according to the LDS faith.
Section 128 is the section in which Joseph Smith gives the revelation of vicarious work for the dead. I'll highlight a few versus below, but feel free to follow the link and read the revelation in its entirety.
12 Herein is glory and honor, and immortality and eternal life—The ordinance of baptism by water, to be immersed therein in order to answer to the likeness of the dead, that one principle might accord with the other; to be immersed in the water and come forth out of the water is in the likeness of the resurrection of the dead in coming forth out of their graves; hence, this ordinance was instituted to form a relationship with the ordinance of baptism for the dead, being in likeness of the dead.
15 And now, my dearly beloved brethren and sisters, let me assure you that these are principles in relation to the dead and the living that cannot be lightly passed over, as pertaining to our salvation. For their salvation is necessary and essential to our salvation, as Paul says concerning the fathers—that they without us cannot be made perfect—neither can we without our dead be made perfect.
18 I might have rendered a plainer translation to this, but it is sufficiently plain to suit my purpose as it stands. It is sufficient to know, in this case, that the earth will be smitten with a curse unless there is a welding link of some kind or other between the fathers and the children, upon some subject or other—and behold what is that subject? It is the baptism for the dead. For we without them cannot be made perfect; neither can they without us be made perfect. Neither can they nor we be made perfect without those who have died in the gospel also; for it is necessary in the ushering in of the dispensation of the fulness of times, which dispensation is now beginning to usher in, that a whole and complete and perfect union, and welding together of dispensations, and keys, and powers, and glories should take place, and be revealed from the days of Adam even to the present time. And not only this, but those things which never have been revealed from the foundation of the world, but have been kept hid from the wise and prudent, shall be revealed unto babes and sucklings in this, the dispensation of the fulness of times.
This revelation is meant to assuage any doubts that may appear regarding God's "love" towards those who have gone before us; for those who were unable to receive the fullness of the gospel. They are still able to do so, but can only do so if modern day saints will perform the work themselves.
Because He is a loving God, the Lord does not damn those people who, through no fault of their own, never had the opportunity for baptism. He has therefore authorized baptisms to be performed by proxy for them. A living person, often a descendant who has become a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, is baptized in behalf of a deceased person. This work is done by Church members in temples throughout the world. https://www.lds.org/topics/baptisms-for-the-dead?lang=eng
Joseph's revelation inspired members of the church to do genealogy work, something that hasn't necessarily become a "commandment" per se, but it is encouraged strongly that each member of the church find his/her own ancestors and be baptized for them. The link below ties into a few of my earlier posts about self-fulfilling prophecy and how doing baptisms for the dead now is a clear indication of a "prophecy being fulfilled".
I do want to point out something that the girl says toward the end of the video. She says that even though she wasn't the one being baptized for the names that she found, she knows that her ancestors are happy now because they have received the gospel. However, "The validity of a baptism for the dead depends on the deceased person accepting it and choosing to accept and follow the Savior while residing in the spirit world." A lot of members do just assume that because they have accepted the gospel here on Earth, then their deceased ancestors can see how happy they are and will immediately accept the gospel. Most members have no doubt in their mind that this will happen. This assumes though, that there is an afterlife.
When I was a kid and religiously going to church (mostly because my parent's made me), the idea of baptizing EVERYONE that has EVER lived seemed ridiculous and impossible. It still does. Genealogy is only going to be able to take people so far back in time. Not everyone comes from the lines of "begats" in either the Bible or the Book of Mormon. What about all the Neanderthals and other humanoids that populated the world before anything in the Bible occurred and/or was recorded? Are these people just out of luck? Sorry that you were born in the wrong century, but you just can't get into the highest degree of glory?
In a rare moment of courage, I asked this question in a Sunday School class, because it legitimately bothered me to think that not everyone would be able to be saved and live together in the highest level of heaven. The response was fairly generic, but typical. I was told that we are mere humans, and that we cannot possibly know the mind of God. That God was merciful and just and has a plan that will allow all those souls that we ourselves cannot save, to have the opportunity to accept the gospel.
I didn't push the issue further because I knew that I would get the same response, just said in a different way, and I would be no closer to having a real answer than I was when I developed the question initially. I allowed myself to "accept", in a manner of speaking, this generic answer for all of my doubts because everyone else around me believed the gospel enough to accept such answers. There was something "wrong" with me for even having these doubts.
Above, I used a quote from lds.org that stated that baptism by immersion was the first ordinance that an individual needs to partake of in order to enter into the "kingdom of god". Another one of those ordinances is that of eternal marriage (which can't happen unless both parties have been baptized):
This doctrine means that a man and woman who love each other deeply, who have grown together through the trials, joys, sorrows, and happiness of a shared lifetime, can live beyond the veil together forever with their family who earn that blessing.
-Richard G. Scott (October 2014, General Conference)
I've come across a multitude of information that I would like to use in regards to Celestial Marriage, but I feel that I need to do it in a separate post, so I'm just going to focus on what actually bothered me about the idea of the celestial kingdom while being an active member of the LDS faith.
I was taught that a woman cannot enter into the Celestial Kingdom (the highest degree of heaven), without being married (under the temple covenant) to a man. Because a woman is not ordained with the priesthood, she has to attach herself to a being who is. It was never said, but I felt like it was alluded to, that a man can enter into the Celestial Kingdom, perhaps not the absolute highest level, but certainly into the kingdom, without ever being married to a woman. (There are some conference talks that say otherwise, but this is how the information came across to me.) I find this to be absolutely unjust. So many principles and teachings within the Church place men above women. Many prophets and apostles in recent decades have spoken on the subject because there are many women who were, and still are, very outspoken on the subject.
I was also bothered by the fact that we have been socially bred to believe that men are the seekers of a mate. They are the ones who ask the girl out and they are the ones who ask the girl to marry them. Many men do not have any desire to marry, or some want to but they are too terrified or concerned with the responsibilities that go along with such a big commitment. There are many reasons why a man might not ever marry. But setting aside this aspect, there's the statistical issue as well. In the United States, there are more women than men. So if every man in the United States was to get married, there would still be women out there who are unmarried, and therefore, women who could not enter into the kingdom of heaven.
Why does God's plan, which is supposed to be perfect by the way, not account for this discrepancy?
I remember that this hit me hard a few years ago while watching conference with my family. A woman was speaking. She was a member of the Relief Society presidency and was unmarried. She was getting along in years as well, being well past the healthy age to produce children. At one point in her talk she addressed the gap between transitioning from being a young woman and becoming an active participant in Relief Society. The talk itself doesn't focus on eternal marriage, but the quotes I have included below are what I found to be interesting and quite sad:
Well, as you may know, many of my goals were not realized in the way I had hoped. I finished college, served a mission, got a job, continued on with my schooling to earn a master’s degree, and continued working in my profession for many years. (I thought marriage was sure to happen 13 years ago when I opened a fortune cookie and read, “You will be married in less than a year.”) But there was no handsome man, no marriage, and no children. Nothing had gone as I had planned except for one thing. I tried to be an active and faithful member of the Church. For this I am most grateful. It has made all the difference in my life.
One work colleague who was not a member of our Church said to me, “Why do you continue to go to a church that puts so much emphasis on marriage and families?” My simple answer to her was, “Because it is true!” I can be just as single and just as childless outside of the Church. But with the Church and gospel of Jesus Christ in my life, I found happiness and I knew I was on the path the Savior would have me follow. I found joy and many opportunities to serve, to love, and to grow.
Here is this woman, who, according to the Church's standards, is a perfect example of a faithful and diligent member, that never had the opportunity to be married. This woman was sacrificing her time and energy to serve and yet despite all that, at least according to Joseph Smith's revelation and everything I was taught in regards to what was required to enter into the Celestial Kingdom, Barbara Thompson would be unable to enter into that highest degree of glory because a mortal man never asked for her hand in marriage. I found it, and still find it, to be thoroughly unjust and I was seriously saddened by it. Why would God's "perfect" plan allow this?
A few months ago my mother confronted me on my church attendance and testimony, suspecting that I was slipping away. I told her that I wanted to know for sure that I believed because I believed it, not because I felt like I needed to believe because that's what I was taught I had to do. She asked what kinds of things I was questioning and struggling with. I proceeded to tell her about the issues that I had with the idea of the celestial kingdom and used Barbara Thompson as an example. I love my mother, but her response to me was very similar to the response I received regarding baptism for the dead: that we cannot know the mind of God and that although it seems unfair and sad, God has a plan for her and has a way that will allow for women in her similar situation to enter into that "great glory".
Again, why would God's "perfect" plan have a loophole like that? He's "commanding" us to multiply and replenish the earth and to find a suitable companion in which to enter the temple with to receive these ordinances, without which we would be unable to live with him in the Kingdom of Heaven, but just in case you don't get married, I'll still let you in, as long as you wanted to get married. For any member, especially a member in this kind of situation, this idea is comforting, but they fail to see the irony in a "perfect" plan that doesn't actually outline how or why they should be the exception to the rule.
I've slowly come to realize the importance in questioning things rather than accepting them without verification of authenticity. It's refreshing being able to just write about my doubts in a blog. I used to be terrified of writing anything that was contrary to what I had been taught in even my personal journal because I "knew" that God was watching me and that I would be judged for my doubts. I felt that I wouldn't be judged as harshly if I just kept my thoughts my thoughts, rather than making them physically evident in writing. Expressing doubt and concern should be a welcomed commodity in any church that claims itself to be "true".
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