One
of the biggest downsides to being raised within a religion was being a girl. From
a very young age I recognized that boys and girls were treated differently, and
to my four year old mind, the most obvious evidence of this was in the way we were
expected to dress. I was expected to wear a dress or skirt with a nice blouse,
clothing of which I loathed, especially when accompanied by tights and
headbands. I thought I was very clever at one point when I discovered the
skort, which is a pair of shorts with a wrap around it to make the shorts
appear as a skirt. I wore that thing every Sunday until I outgrew it. Boys
could wear trousers, the occasion nice pair of shorts, and a pressed shirt. They
weren’t really expected to wear ties until they turned 12.
As
I grew older, I began to recognize the differences in our church activities
from those of my guy friends (i.e. Achievement Days versus Scouts) and in the
subject matter of our lessons (i.e. “What traits do you want your husband to
have” versus The Power of the Priesthood), not to mention our budgets. Most of
this I’ve already touched on in previous posts, but another thing that I slowly
began to realize as my spiritual journey continued to unfold, was the very
distinct differences in our perceived roles in the home.
My
church activities revolved around learning how to cook, to clean, to be
obedient to the Lord and the Priesthood, to be a peacemaker, to keep a journal,
to gain knowledge of spiritual things, to remain chaste, to serve others; in
essence, I was learning the importance of motherhood. The boys were learning
about the power of the Priesthood and how to survive in the wilderness, an
admirable trait in a father, I’m sure, once the zombie apocalypse is upon us.
For years I harbored ill feelings toward the Church and its leaders because of
these differences, but for the most part I kept quiet, because to question
Priesthood authority is to bring about your own excommunication; a frightening
prospect for a young woman.
On
those rare occasions when I did voice my opinion and say something as naïve as “It’s
just not fair”, I would get a subtle lecture on how the role of a woman (more
specifically, the role of a mother) is the most important role of humankind and
that Church leaders don’t expect women to only be mothers, but to receive an
education as well. Each of these lectures was, and remains, laughable,
especially now that I’m able to take my self-inflicted blinders off as I read
through doctrine and talks from church leaders.
I believe that the main reason why the Church
finally came out and said that women should be educated is because the rest of
Western society had been promoting the notion for years. The Mormons always
seem to be the last to the table. The best part about this declaration for
women to become educated, though, is how the Church twists it to their needs.
Women should be educated so that they can be more involved in their children’s
education. Since they are supposed to be the most dominant parent in a child’s
life, they need to be able to steer a child away from ideas that clash with
church doctrine. A woman being educated was a “revelation” that further ties
women to the home.
I,
in no way, would ever belittle the role of a woman in the home. My mother was a
stay at home mom, and for the most part she enjoyed it. At times though, she
questions her life as a mother and it pains me to hear her mention articles
that circulate on Facebook or in the news that demean women who choose to stay
at home with their children rather than pursue a career. I try to point out to
her that every person is made differently. Every woman has a different need
that will make her feel satisfied and fulfilled as a woman. For some, that’s a
career where they compete head to head with the boys. For others, their
children are what fulfill them. For a time she seems satisfied, but eventually
something else will surface and we have the same basic conversation all over
again.
I blame
religion, in large part, for this conflict. I cannot speak for other religions,
but the Mormon religion in particular does not teach that women can or should
be different from each other. Every woman should aspire to be a mother. To want
something like a full time career in place of children is shirking ones divine
role and basically telling God that his plan is not good enough for them. There can only be an in between, that of the
full-time mother part-time worker, if finances don’t allow for the mother to
stay at home full-time.
I do have a lot
more to say on this subject, but for now I just want to provide a handful of
quotes from Conference talks, given mostly by Priesthood holders, on the
important role of women. They range from the late 1970’s to 2013, the purpose
being to show that no matter what headway the Church claims to have made as far
as women are concerned their basic message remains the same: Women belong in
the home.
***
“Young women
should plan and prepare for marriage and the bearing and rearing of children.
It is your divine right and the
avenue to the greatest and most supreme happiness.” – Spencer W. Kimball:
October 1978 General Conference; Privileges
and Responsibilities of Sisters
“The
work of women is essential in the kingdom, whether as wife, mother, sister or all three.” –Barbara B. Smith: October 1978
General Conference; Women’s Greatest
Challenge
“Since the
beginning, a woman’s first and most important role has been ushering into
mortality spirit sons and daughters of our Father in Heaven. Since the
beginning, her role has been to teach her children eternal gospel principles.
She is to provide for her children a haven of security and love-regardless of
how modest her circumstances might be. In the beginning, Adam was instructed to
earn the bread by the sweat of his brow- not Eve. Contrary to conventional wisdom, a mother’s place is in the home!”
“It is a misguided idea that a woman should
leave the home, where there is a husband and children, to prepare educationally
and financially for an unforeseen eventuality.” – Ezra Taft Benson: October
1981 General Conference; The Honored
Place of Woman
“Some years ago President Benson delivered a message
to the women of the Church. He encouraged them to leave their employment and
give their individual time to their children. I sustain the position which he took. Nevertheless, I recognize, as he recognized,
that there are some women…who have to work to provide for the needs of their
families. To you I say, do the very best you can. I hope that if you are
employed full-time you are doing it to ensure that basic needs are met and not
simply to indulge a taste for an elaborate home, fancy cars, and other
luxuries. The greatest job that any mother will ever do will be in nurturing,
teaching, lifting, encouraging and rearing her children in righteousness and
truth. None other can adequately take her place.” – Gordon B. Hinckley: October
1996 General Conference; Women of the
Church
“Women
of God can never be like women of the world. The world has enough women who are
tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we
need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who
are refined. We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of
faith. We have enough greed; we need more goodness. We have enough vanity; we
need more virtue. We have enough popularity; we need more purity.” – Margaret D.
Nadauld: October 2000 General Conference; The
Joy of Womanhood
“But the basic
element which should never change in the lives of righteous young women is
giving service to others. Their divine role as caregivers helps noble womanhood gain ‘the highest place of honor
in human life’. Serving others can begin at almost any age. Often the greatest
service to others in one-on-one. It need not be on a grand scale, and it is
noblest within the family.”
In reference to
the goals of the YW program: “These goals…should include education and skill
training. A young mother whom I love recently told a group of young women that
the goals should coincide with the joys
of womanhood. But, she said, the goals should not be so rigid and fixed
that you do not listen to the whisperings of the Spirit. Keep your hearts and
minds open to know the overriding will of the Lord in your lives.” – James E.
Faust: April 2000 General Conference; Womanhood:
The Highest Place of Honor
“…some will try
to persuade you that because you are not ordained to the priesthood you have
been shortchanged… they do not understand the gospel of Jesus Christ. The
blessings of the priesthood are available to every righteous man and woman.”
“…the Church
cannot achieve the full measure of its creation unless both faithful men who
bear the priesthood and righteous women who rejoice in serving under the direction of the priesthood work together.”
– Sheri Dew: October 2001 General Conference; It is not Good for Man or Woman to be Alone
“A pernicious
philosophy that undermines women’s moral influence is the devaluation of
marriage and of motherhood and homemaking as a career. Some view homemaking
with outright contempt, arguing it demeans women and that the relentless
demands of raising children are a form of exploitation….We do not diminish the
value of what women or men achieve in any worthy endeavor or career-we all benefit
from those achievements-but we still recognize there is not a higher good that motherhood and fatherhood in marriage…Whatever
else a woman may accomplish, her moral influence is no more optimally employed
that here.” – D. Todd Christofferson: October 2013 General Conference; The Moral Force of Women
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